Kirsten Dunst is sitting next to me in a bar in NYC
Tell her I want my money back for Elizabethtown.
Waldo just asked us for directions. Even he doesn't know where he is.
You and I should start a club for people who woke up on outside on a bench with no idea how they got there.
he just fed my chickens on farmville...i guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex<3
No one wears that much makeup to work unless they are trying to fuck their boss, NO ONE
Is it sad I don't want to go buy $1 Mac-n-cheese cause I need to pay rent... I'm re-naming this college.
Also, peanut butter on a spoon dinner is back in existence and it is good.
Things you Cant unsee: When your smartphone syncs to your dads laptop and downloads photos...including his porn stash.
Dick sucking on arrival? or would you like to cash that in later?
My life hurts
I woke up 30 minutes away from the bar, my car was at a train station, and when I got home all I got was the speechless head shake
My boobs just got me out of my third ticket last night
i'm so proud. i woke up to nearly seven feet of basketball player in my bed this morning
you win. again.
She took all the bottles out of the shower caddy and replaced them with booze. I just made a shower Manhatten. Imma marry this one.
It's situations like these that make me climb out of windows
It's gonna be me and some oreos tonight. Basically like sex
I SHOULD BE TERRIFIED OF HIS DRAGON DICK.
Get to the bar now. Ryan is single again and every skank on campus that has heard story about his dick is circling like a shark. A cock hungry shark
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