My astrological sign? Vagitarius.
I told her I would melt her with my mustache. Needless to say, he pants were soon off.
I'm pretty sure she sent a group text out saying that I was the one to get with her last night and sorry to everyone who didnt make it.
Honestly it was an honor just to be nominated.
This house was built for laser tag.
he had a sign stolen from the tennis court hanging above his bed that said, "please limit play to one hour while others are waiting"
The fact that he is from Canada is way more embarrassing than the fact that you met him on match.com
I was so proud to be driving sober that I wanted to get pulled over so I could tell the officer I hadn't been drinking.
Listen. You seriously only live once... there aren't that many cinco de mayos left until someone knocks u up and u have to have a shotgun wedding. Man up.
Just called a girl a cunt over peanuts. I think we both know it wasn't just about the peanuts.
At what point did you realize I was getting blown under the table during our dominos game?
Well yes he stayed. He brought Guiness, them he shaved me. It's a long, but beautiful story.
mid-october of freshman year. goals have shifted from "no more guys on my floor" to "all the guys on my floor."
I've also stopped shaving, like, everything. I can't tell if I'm empowered or sad
She made me baby bird juul smoke to her while we were fucking
I hate when he takes the condom off to cum all over me. It defeats the purpose.
It’s like having a barf bag and choosing to puke in your own lap.
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