Myspace is for pedophiles and tweakers in the 818 trying to hook up. I always forget theres music there too
I walked in on him shirtless licking the mirror while talking to his reflection. So yes, I definitely want to do shrooms the next time you get them.
I hope my sperm were as drunk as I was.
he told me he's been faithful to his girlfriend and is gonna try to stay that way. challenge accepted.
im pretty sure this vending machine only exists when im drunk
I had to write an apology letter to security guards in the hotel so I didnt get kicked out
We should invent fake asshair for you to wear so you can experience my pain for a day.
How does one chug a beer and swing the bottle at someone in a single motion? This guys a beer ninja man
I will suppress my appetite by doing shots then passing out
You are. Embrace it. But you are the right kind of asshole.
I tried to talk to him, but he didn't recognize me at first. I had to show him the top of my head and then he remembered.
I look like a bag of dicks so if you could ugly yourself up that'd be great.
He's like a unicorn and I just wanna domesticate him
Woke up snuggling with a large wooden rhino that I stole last night...obviously, we had fun.
A girl showed up in my tinder and I have it set to only men... I super liked her because I need a lesbian experience
Randomize
