I'll forget this but out at 4am with a lesbian model at lil waynes bday party for the record
Would you feel weird if I asked out ___?
You dont call on our son's bday but you want to know if I'll give you permission to date my best friend?
So...no?`
I asked what she wanted from Hawaii. She said a baby like Aaden from JK 8.
where am I supposed to find one of those?
yes he's amazing in bed. he made me like, black out. everything went black it was weird. so yes, i'd fuck him again. plus, he has every season of buffy on dvd
You guys seriously fuck to bieber? That's embarrassing...
She broke both of her ankles trying to jump off the balcony. it's like every time she drinks she makes even more impressively bad decisions than the last time
Last night you told me to stop being Martha Stewart and asked if I had Taco Bell in my house
Dad was on the deck drinking straight bourbon. He stopped, puked on his feet, and then continued drinking and talking about compound interest.
When she said "Tighten your safety belt and hold on!", that should have been a clear sign to me that one should never go off-roading in a rental car. On the bright side, they were able to tow her car out the next morning.
I was intimate with him for twenty minutes and will be intimate with shame for twenty years.
You know Sunday Funday was a success when 'puke and rally' came at lunchtime on Monday.
Shriek
My vagina is no longer accepting new clients.
On a side note, my ex husband offered to buy me shrooms
so i fell out of a tree on the ave last night. someone told me there was alcohol at the top. bastards.
It's a race to see if I finish the bottle first or my homework
Randomize
