Lady with a stroller in a bar. Think she's out of my league?
Your brother just informed me that half a mouthful is a unit of measurement. I love talking to members of your family.
I walked in on him shirtless licking the mirror while talking to his reflection. So yes, I definitely want to do shrooms the next time you get them.
I have minimal recognition and a lot of burns on my tongue and my vagina hurts.
He had a beer bottle in each of his back pockets and was on rollerblades. All I remember is following him for about 10 minutes
The usual. Woke up on a dog bed with peeps and $11.
Just invented taco cereal.
I HAVE stop dating guys for their prescriptions, you have no idea how awkward family dinner was. Thank god for his xanax.
it's a drink the shower water kind of morning ...
I'm about to initiate a game of drunk UNO.
Drunk UNO has officially been banned from now until forever.
All I know is that I woke up in a soccer players' dorm, and he said that I kept telling him my mouth was a "net for his balls" last night at the bar..
i've created a new STD.
He offered me handsanitizer after a hand job, you can't tell me he's not perfect!
he threw an umbrella that he ripped out of the table at the fence like he was harpooning a whale while the owner of the bar was outside then tried to blame it on an old man...
Lady Gaga is doing the 1/2 time show. I hope it's gay and liberal as fuck.
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