Being 21 is my favorite hobby I'm really good at it
Do u have any bacon or vodka by chance
That's two mile stones in one shot. A ginger and that's my third ashley.
so now that i'm sober i just want to apologize for violating your back seat...... on a brighter note thank you for playing the little mermaid song "kiss the girl," really set the mood.
But on the up side she uprooted a whole peony plant from the hotel downtown and said, "I brought you flowers"
Come over, I want to eat cookie dough off your dick.
Should I take my grandma to a keg tomorrow or not? Serious question
Jake and I will do a protection ritual for ur dick I don't know where she has been
Two drag queens are fighting over me. And yet the night is still getting weirder
We need a fire pit. Meat. And a keg.I mean like a cow we just carve from. And cook it. We can use the milk from the udder to make White Russians
He was on top and as he finished he yelled "I love gold" , so yeah I'm seeing him later tonight
Tonight I celebrated marriage equality by letting a girl I don't know kiss me at the club.
Imma do four shots of whisky within two minutes and pass out. Otherwise this'll go badly.
Remember I am not doing blow tonight. I REPEATE NO COCAINE unless I do it with your mom
I've been drunk texting you for weeks, and you watched me puke outside your house... I say it's time we meet in person.
Randomize
