I bought beer tonight and got 3 coupons with my receipt. Paper towels, laundry detergent, and Advil. I wonder if Stop & Shop predicts the future or just does this with every beer purchase.
dude it was like an art museum there were boobs everywhere
There is something depressing about eating toast in a dark living room by myself using a paper plate that says: "Let's Party!"
i wasn't about to bring her gummy handcuffs to her father's funeral
I've just never had a dinner guest strut in, go directly to my bathroom, vomit.. then come out demanding whiskey and food.
It must have been an amazing night, I have "my pants are responsible people" written on my pants in permanent marker.
i sent you a picture of beads you send me a picture of boobs how hard is this to understand
They invited me day drinking but brought their kids. 3 two year olds and 1 11 month old. I was asked to change a diaper, I laughed and took another drink of this margarita. I LIKE CHANEL AND TEQUILA NOT CHILDREN. Can we make new friends?
Ran into my neighbor that's always crying. I wonder if she's like; "I ran into my neighbor who's always playing with her vibrator?"
I'm sending you the three minute video I jus took,....it's of me eating a pear up close
That's what every 12 year old basketball team needs; a drunk and hungover lady eating KD whilst cheering them on. Highlight of their lives.
Talk about an dramatic entrance, girl rolled up on a stolen bike and was wearing heels and a dress, through it on the ground and said "you guys want a bike?" Of course i jumped on that shit, any sane person would!
Like not to be gross, he was eating me out while I was smoking a bowl. It was like a rap video
We ended the night eating peanutbutter with our hands and smoking cigarettes in the house at 4am. Fucking Everclear, man.
Chasing shots with airborne.. Gonna get rid of my sickness and my soberness.
Randomize
