I've come to the conclusion that if I was an old man, I would perve around in short gym shorts for kicks.
Everyone was high fiveing on their a walks of shame home. God im gonna miss college life
It's only 4 pm and I'm already way past my preferred quota of "could have died" moments
I think I'm finally maturing. I'm happy he found someone. Good for him. I sincerely hope she doesn't choke on his tiny penis.
i found him! he's on the front porch using a bag of potting soil as a pillow. i forgot i left him there.
They can't keep moving my court date back, i dont know if I'll survive another one of these going away to jail parties.
I can't even type what I drank. I'll throw up
I feel like it'll be a success as long as she doesn't end up dead in a ditch. There has to be a line somewhere.
I rolled joints beforehand. Lit a candle. Ghetto rigged taping the 40's on my hands and then lit the joint using the flame of the candle.
I'm so proud of your modern ingenuity
i have a raging boner for Saturday, day drinking is one of my top favorite things right next to alligator wrestling and blowing shit up
i'm face down in a ditch right now please help this is not a metaphor for my life this is real.
I just have to decide what I love more, food or dick.
I hope April is a better month for dicks. March has been very disappointing.
Happy 4 year arrest-aversary! I promise no thanksgiving has been as eventful as that one haha..
I think the cop who arrested me yesterday is at my gym rn should I say hi
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