I feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear.
She's in the bathroom crying cuz she can't get the condom out of her giner. Do you have tongs?
I was so high I couldn't tell if they were goosebumps or herpes.
having sex with him was like banging macgyver. he did the most amazing shit with the simplest things
Just found out its our ciliated mucous membrane that traps the molly when we snort it. Biology does relate to life
Her tits were the only thing that upgraded her from "no way in fuck" to "drunken mistake"
Was just explained ingredients in a four loko. Puzzles of the universe starting to piece together.
my roommate just showed up covered in dirt, drunk....with a whole ice cream cake that says "it's a girl".
I spiked my fruit smoothie. Taking bikini season diet to a whole new level
Although, I did get to see a Raiders fan and his toothless girlfriend get roughed up by the police and dragged out of the stadium. So the night wasn't a total loss.
I had not one but two drunk coworkers text me and hit on me tonight. I feel like I've finally been accepted into my dysfunctional workplace
I remember him going "OH SHIT" when he saw you straddling me on the table. And it was like the best feeling ever.
I woke up this morning fully clothed with a dart in my pocket
Who the fuck is "nick from the beach last year"
No idea hahaha...why?
He just texted me.. Should I ask where I met him?
You left me a really long voicemail saying, "Hey, it's meeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee." and then the rest is just loud laughter
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