im going to have to ask you to stop vomiting stars, rainbows, and butterflies all over your facebook statuses...
i bought a pregnancy test with dimes. Is that trashy?
As weird as that was it was probably the best advice i've ever gotten from a tranny
My walk of shame was far more interesting today. He's moving and was cleaning out his apartment, so not only was I carrying my clothes, I also walked away with 4 bottles of cheap wine and a jar of ragu.
Get dressed, I have 50$ and you need a new beer pong table since we threw yours off the 8th floor last night.
Thanks for your number, i want to ski with you, do party with you and sleep with you. Lucas.
animal crackers drenched in taco bell mild sauce... surprisingly delightful
breakfast of champions
breakfast of stoners
If I had cancer, and got to make a wish, id make the organization force your dad to fuck me.
We didn't have sex because he locked himself in the bathroom and passed out while he was taking a shit. I cuddled with his cat.
I tried to roll down the stairs in a ball. I have bruises, the pain is too much.
What the fuck, why would you ever do that?
Haven't you ever just wanted to be a ball?
Also 70% sure I have a splinter on my eyelid from last night
I had to get my boss birth control a work today. I knew going to ASU would come in handy in my career someday.
My ex gave me head because she said she didn't enough when we were dating... Best ex ever? I think yes.
i'm pretty sure my brother is still drunk from last night. he's telling my parents that humans are at the top of the food chain for a reason and listing off all the exotic animals he would eat
Did you mark a random day on my calendar as National Seth Day?
Sounds like a legit day to me.
Randomize
