so i woke up to her 8 year old asking for a bowl of cereal...
I wish life had little blips of pornography
I thought it was kinda weird that her ten yearold sister was playing bartender, but hey, the girl makes a damn good drink
Note for the future: whiskey syrup is AMAZING on 3am pancakes.
That's exactly how my pussy feels when I shave it. Like a cross between a naked mole rat and a newborn child. Embrace it.
im at work. we just had a random 14-year-old amish girl come in and gift us with cinnamon rolls as thanks for letting her use the bathroom. i dont even know.
There are 27 signatures on my ass. What the hell happened last night?
Every time someone made a cup you congratulated them by letting them sign your ass.
Guy just came in wearing only shorts, on his hand was written - my name is ... Call ... And tell them where i am, thanx - in permanent marker, ordered his favorite dish, and left w/out touching it. It's snowing outside.
I mean he did ask and he said it's cold out but i didn't realize we were that comfortable hahaha sex is one thing but borrowing a sweatshirt?
Locking that text forever.
The amount of drugs I did this weekend make me concerned about my health but at the same time fascinated to see if I could do more
It's one PM on a Saturday and I'm sitting here drinking Jack, eating a block of cheese and playing Minecraft. Please tell me you can come drag me to a bar.
Call it slutty but I take pride in being a first round draft pick booty call. And I know I was first cause he texted me at 1030a
My first love was gay too, it's okay.
wow bdsm is so cute
Hey how're your balls?
Don't ever let me helicopter again.
Randomize
