dude, the reading rainbow guy was just talking to a HOLOGRAM
Are you sure you're not watching Star Trek?
wait... oh
I wish I could test you the smell I just had to experience. It smelled like this lady was microwaving squirrel rectum.
we just got in the car and birthday sex is playing
that is a sign the 3 of us should have a threesome
we agree. completely
hows the party?
ists fjcssing insceredle
be there in 10
im sitting in the back of my pickup eating an artichoke. please come find me, im scared.
that was a mass text, wasnt it?
No I'm not proud of you for not sleeping with him. He has herpes. You don't get a gold star for behaving how you're expected to. Trust me. I'm a teacher.
She's "threw gas on the fire to put it out" drunk. Come retrieve ur gf. Ps she smells like burnt hair
walking back to the dorm.. she is flashing evryone, demanding beads. we tried to stop her and now she just keeps yelling "Bourbon st bitchesss"... you get her tomorrow
I have one of those hangovers where you visualize how awesome it would be to climb in your fridge and drink glacier water
We have a vagina exchange agreement. Neither of us can hook up with any of our own law firm's summer associates. So we have a scout and referral program and invite each other to the other firm's summer events. Criss-cross!! Works every summer.
Please tell me you're not home alone watching Glitter.
Can you see in?
My arrest report says I was found in midtown "performing lewd and lascivious acts on top of art meant for public display and enjoyment".
Dude. You dropped to your knees and face planted into the rocks. And continued to talk on the phone and laugh. That's where those cuts came from.
I woke up naked with my work shoes on
Puked in the trash can. Took a bite of someone's breadstick and kept dancing and drinking
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