Uggggg i want to leave and get bombed over baghdad
if you take his cock out, you have to give him a bj. it's like giving a moose a muffin.
we put the last xanax in the middle and played hungry hungry hippos to see whod get it
fair is fair
he used his one phone call on me and it said "you have a collect call from- LETS GET IT- at the montgomery county jail".
Just because you're using the Hipstamatic app for your nude photo taking, it doesn't make your drunken blowjob pics any classier.
Just pulled an upper-decker at a hardware store. I believe I'm winning 8-2. It's obvious you don't shit enough in public.
You know the party was great when the birthday girl gets arrested
Welp. I just hopped out of his window to avoid meeting his parents... happy monday!
Houston, we have a blender
Yeah. You can ask him out. We're just fuck buddies. My vagina will be sad but your heart can be happy.
God I feel like the rain man of hangovers.
I seriously had to check my phone this morning to make sure I didn't agree to any strange sexual favors.
It could be worse. I was dumped by a guy in a kilt after he gave my shoes away on St. Patrick's Day.
He said did you just interrupt me midsentence to admire another man's penis?
Fuck this virus. We’re finally back on campus but the bars suck parties are banned sports are canceled we eat in our rooms and can’t fucking hangout with anyone. I’m tired of virtual classes and involuntary celibacy
OMG IKR! It’s not college unless we’re puking in a toilet wondering if we’re pregnant or just hungover!
Randomize
