The album was titled "Best Night Ever" until she found out she was preggers and switched it to "God Punishes Sluts"
The fact that I woke up with my panties on the counter and a piece of pizza stuck in my sheets is what scares me.
No one intentionally makes bad decisions, just errors in judgement. You have your boyfriend I have a restraining order from universal studios. It's all relative
Not sure if it's my shorts, hat, shoes, hair or soul but one of the above just got me drunk again from the glorious aroma of Keystone Light.
The Deck is crawling with Cougars. Sound the irresponsibility alarm and come drink with me on a Tuesday night.
I walked into the bathroom of the hotel and she's in the bath tub with a guy she met a day ago. They were sharing a shrimp cocktail platter and shot gunning bud lights. Oh and it was noon.
Remember, ur body isn't a visitors center
I know my whole body feels like I belly flopped onto concrete. Seriously need to tone it down for a while
Yeah sorry about that. I got pulled into the Russian student society's end of term party. There was too much vodka and eurodance to come help you pack.
So what your saying is I can use her desperation to my advantage. Fuck, this must be how pretty girls feel.
Just got blown whilst wearing a glow in the dark superman t shirt. Your night will never be as good as mine.
He posted a picture from Senor Frogs. I don't remember where that bikini came from and my sombrero is PERPENDICULAR. Safe to say it was one hell of a day
We're trying to make our wedding vows nice but meeting on OkCupid fucks that up entirely.
I was driving around a golf cart with a keg in the back before I got caught by the cops. First slow speed chase ever
I sent him a tex saying, "I thought my intentions were clear" drunk me has some balls.
Randomize
