Whoa! I think of you when I eat cottage cheese.
if she leaves who will i have to secretly talk about behind thier back
she's googling pictures of Freddy Mercury and whispering 'I'm ready'
I don't know if I want to live in a world where i can't fuck an exes brother.
Dance move was taxi-ing on the runway then taking off in a plane. All the boys wanted to beat you up cause they were like "who is this angel flapping her arms like a bird in the bar i must have her"
No man. Everyone needs to shit off a roof, at least once.
Come on down you're the next contestant on "lets go drinking!"
We both got free alcohol and got laid by foreign men last night.
I'm not going out again for the rest of my life. I can't top this.
Currently putting together my outfit for this weekend, AKA a poster board that says "I'll cook you breakfast and do all your laundry, take me home." On front and back
Well I woke up and my arm was bleeding. And my blood is on the wall in the hallway.
Umm
No idea. I blame fireball.
Valid.
Dude, i just watched a drag queen dropkick a motherfucker. this is a good night.
day drinking caused me to be in bed at a decent time. can't complain.
2016 was supposed to be my year of being a ho, but I guess 2017 might be too.
You sent me a very drunk love letter
Was it the one about pterodactyls?
I was disappointed I thought you actually loved me
he offered to let me fuck his brother , of course im marrying him
Randomize
