Honestly there's alot of things I'm confused about the only thing I know for certain about last night is that I ate pizza
i just had a dream that i could control how black Will Smith was with a remote.i need to stop sleeping with the TV on
I'm having a chugging contest on the streetcar. The driver is judging.
Plus someone just passed me a joint through the window. BEST STREETCAR RIDE EVER
I just got hit on by my highschool french teacher. I need to stop going to this bar.
Look at it this way: if he'll have sex with a tomato, he'll have sex with you.
It's Christmas week. I wouldn't know what to do if i wasn't hung over.
Trust me. My penis has made more than enough decisions this weekend.
Drinking with mariachis at jimmy johns.
It's hard to be a gentleman when a girl pauses her karaoke version of "a whole new world," and proceeds to tell the entire bar that she wants your cock in her mouth.
My lighter is stuck in my beard.
His fucking flight got canceled because the president stopped at the airport he was flying out of... Fuckin Obama literally just cock blocked me
All im saying is that my face might fall off.
I think I pulled a boob muscle during phone sex
Is it immoral to trade sex for the use of his laundry room?
If I call him daddy should I get him a father's day card? Serious question
Randomize
