Haha dude youd die if you were here. Girl presenting is defending the new testament and did her report on JESUS. best believe i'm gonna ask some hungover, atheist ass questions
With sake I got over my irrational fear of seafood. Now I just fear sake.
I kinda knew it wasnt going to pan out when he would rather watch how i met your mother ON TIVO than fuck me......
Having him eat chocolate out of you is not as romantic as it sounds. I'm still finding pieces.
I heard a loud ass thump and then I saw both dogs coming around the corner.... Without him. I went to check out what happened and the dogs apparently pulled him down onto his face, knocking him out.
people at meijer look at you funny when you have 37 bottles of champagne in your cart.
I thought of you while cleaning the forehead prints off my glass doors.
we didn't have anything to do and wanted to get our money's worth out of our costumes, so if you see two mermaids day drinking by the creek it's us
btw I told him that the only way he was gonna get to eat you out was if he smothered your vag with grits..
Yeah. It's just like I have his virginity and he has my shoes and where do we go from here.
i woke up this morning put my hand under the pillow and there was a banana there
Just ate Panda Express. Fortune cookie had no fortune in it. I actually prefer this. Less broken dream potential.
I think you're literally the first guy to ever pick up a chick from pinterest.
Once again, marijuana saves me from going to jail
That chick keeps sending eggplant emojis
Welcome to dating in the digital age. Better catch up now that you’re divorced
and eggplant is code for penis. It means she’s DTF. Go get her tiger!!!
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