I hate babysitting girls whose boobs are bigger than mine.
you just used "cock block" and "youth group" in the same sentence. somethings wrong with you.
New all-time record for most uncomfortable I've ever been. A midget just asked me to restrap his fanny pack in the bathroom.
When we started taking double shots of vodka and chasing it with a lick of fruit roll-ups, I knew there'd be hell to pay in the morning.
I'm having a staring contest with a raccoon.
Where the hell are you
He's winning.
What bar did i puke in last night
by bar you must mean bars and by in you must mean on
My ex just sent me a message asking if she could blow me, but only if we get caught by her new bf. If she promises to swallow I'm doing it.
No night ever ends well that starts with "you know what this needs? More tequila".
YOU ARE TAKING ADVANTAGE OF MY INEBRIATED STATE
YOU ARE DRUNK AND USED AND SPELLED THE WORD "INEBRIATED" CORRECTLY. I AM TAKING ADVANTAGE OF NOTHING.
I CAN'T HELP THAT I'M MULTITALENTED YA FUCKER
Learn from me. When going to a booty call do not wear a belly shirt. Nothing says shame like a belly shirt at 7am.
Me and tommy were trying to figure out why our printer was jammed, found a condom stuck in the paper slot. #collegeprobs
I just got a girl to make out with me just by saying "get at me." Get at me
Woke up on a lawn chair hugging a bottle of vodka. Hows your morning so far?
I love that you put so much thought and effort into your nudes
I don't send half assed nudes. Go big or go home.
Turns out dignity is priceless and Plan B costs $41.09
Randomize
