I just got fire extinguished by his roommate while we were having sex. That's just taking cock blocking to a whole new level.
Well on a lighter note, guess who just threw up in the elevator
its not thanksgiving till you and grandpa shotgun beers out in the shed, and lose
She took the bride and groom figures and the top layer of their cake and tried to walk out of the reception with it in her purse.
Ya I painted "STOP TRYING ANAL" on her headboard. I'm sick of listening to her whine through the wall and bitch the next day.
Maybe her vagina is like a vacuum
I can't decide if that would be a good or bad thing. I'm leaning toward good
The fuck-me-pumps were hot, the XL hoody kinda ruined it.
STDs are my biggest fear, besides whales. They're so fucking big.
I'm in a dress, surrounded by Republicans, and the bartender just told me he's "out of Jack Daniels" in a very accusatory tone. Shit, is it only 8 PM?
Pretty sure the guy I hooked up with Saturday gave me a buy one get one free coupon for chipotle. Who said nice guys don't exist?
Currently at a bar observing the mating patterns of drunken people in their 60s. This is hilariously terrifying. Hope he has Viagra.
He wants to buy us a microwave. Clearly the man is going to fix my life.
I hope a pyrotechnic goes off in your asshole and seals it shut for life.
Me too.
I AM GONNA CUM EVERYWHERE TONIGHT BRO.
So Blakes coming home... so if youre like fingerbanging the shit out of yourself on the kitchen table...wrap it up
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