my vag is singing 'hurts so good' by john mellencamp
I don't think he has that. His apartment was pretty much a tv and a bed. Topless girl calendar and a glass of water to put out cigarettes.
You know its been a rough night when you wake up and the first thing you remember is your mom going skinny dipping.
they are using this drunk girl like a spin the bottle in the hot tub, whoever she lands on she makes out with.
Well, I was going to ask you what happened to all my lipstick. Until I saw the giant red penis on my living room wall.
Are you scared? I basically plan on us looking like giant drunk skittles
The woman in the hospital bed next to me just got diagnosed with flea bites on her vag.
Whaaaaaat? No way.
Now a discussion of pigs vs. dog as carrier.
He tried to reenact Braveheart's freedom scream but got tackled by his drunk roommate who thought he was yelling that the handle he was holding up was free.
Thanks for bringing that stuff to help me feel better...you know, the water, the Gatorade, and the dick. You really are the best friend ever.
bullshit you weren't drunk, you pointed at me and said my cigarette was empty
I've had 5 hours of sleep and I still smell like sex with the Colonel. I don't appreciate spontaneity.
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
Pants are for mortals
Panties = found
I’m torn. She’s crazy - like legitimately “Wear your skin as a suit” crazy. But her blow jobs and dirty talk are Pornhub quality!
Randomize
