he spit gasoline on a tiki torch to impress a girl. he caught on fire but did get laid. success.
I just woke up in a puddle of boob sweat. Definitely time to consider a reduction.
dont worry, it'll just be a conversation starter like "why did you get that pierced?" or "wow, i got arrested there too"
If a "boob" guy and an "ass" guy are discussing which you are better qualified for....just let them
Never visiting again. You guys drink like immortals
I am too young to be this hungover
Is this your way of saying you want a sober 19th?
There was a reason God said "Let there be titties" on the Fifth Day.
Can't you just imagine you've grudge fucked me so we can get past this?
I was sleeping pretty good until your cat pooped loudly. I dreamed that a full grown man was pooping on my ear. It startled me.
I got drunk and tried to make special rice krispie treats, but I made a mess and they were all stuck to my hands, so I just decided to eat my way out of the catastrophe and I think shit's about to get even weirder than usual.
You are cordially invited to an I'm not pregnant laser tag celebration tomorrow. booze is optional.
all I remember the next morning was crawling through the doggy door and finding my underwear in my purse
We told the cop that we were playing soccer, in flip flops, and 2:30 in the morning. It was raining and i had board shorts on. He bought it, lets go get drunk
All I remember was you telling him there was something behind him so he would turn around and you could slide down his carpeted stairs on your belly without a shirt on. How's that carpet burn btw?
There are leaves in my underwear?
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