Betty ford says i'm here all night
apparently i started the naked brigade. and depantsed everyone who wasn't naked. her parents must hate me.
i walked in and you were spoon feeding your sister grape juice out of a tupperware.
There's a big hole in the wall at the dining hall. I hope we didn't do
It's like if a cloud had tits and you laid on them.
The strip clubs here are like a safari of penis, and I'm gonna bag me a rhino.
I yelled kanye while he was fucking me. It just felt right
I think that thing where I have 2 boyfriends is happening again
Super awkward when the coworker you made out with in exchange for molly last weekend keeps coming over to your cube and trying to talk to you
Like I cant decide if he's like autistic or something or just seriously cock blocks himself on purpose with this shit
Is it day drinking when the suns up like when does that start
asking for a friend
I bet your mom's never met a girl who's thrown up at the presidential inauguration before though.
Is it weird that I'm smoking a cig on my back patio in a sports bra and underwear?
I'm currently watching porn and playing beer pong with wine in the lobby of a hotel with a squadron of hot airforce guys. You can never say your life is better than mine again
We're pretty sure we got naked at Pride, so running the two blocks to your place in my underwear is a step up the dignity ladder really.
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