toast her oven
toast her strudel
inspect her gadget
Her life has all the ingredients for a how to book: Making Your Life an Epic Fail
do you remember how we all fit in that bathtub?
tequila
You passed out and she managed to carry you all the way back to your dorm last night. I believe your testicles now her property.
At beerfest, hammered, going to try to not get naked in public but i cant make any promises
Dude he was freaking out because he thought he was walking on crates, and he just kept saying help me
We now know how the night ended in arrest according to the flip camera I did 10 handle pulls and beer bonged a 40. My life choices are getting worse and worse this is your fault.
He is currently pregaming mini golf. MINI GOLF.
I may have had sex with him and told him we wasn't worth my time then went home and made mashed potatoes
I'm like still hungover from the quinceanera.
So i had a feeling this dude with one leg in a wheelchair was following me around Walmart turns out I was right. He just asked for a picture of my feet.
i mean i let him but still...
sex on acid sucks though, i want to connect with the universe not your dick.
He asked me if I've ever had my ass ate and there was no polite way to say yeah your brother's pretty in to that 😂 I went with "no"
Just got home from work. I'm going to change into sweats for a while before I have to wear normal pants to the party like I promised.
Not to be hella graphic on main but I just came so hard I think I saw a new color.
Randomize
