I am currently trying to use a tide to go pen to remove the jizz from my backseat, it's not working...
I puked last after eating a volcano taco and drinking vodka. I felt like a fucking dragon.
let's skip the party, and just play drunken wii, again. its time to give my vag a break.
Either I get my picture taken sitting on a fuckin pony, or I'm not coming.
There's a show on the Discovery Channel about T-Rex sex. I think this just made my life.
He drunk dialed T-Mobile at 3am and talked to them for 45 minutes and got his phone bill lowered from $80 to $60... Best drunk dial ever.
She said i kept moaning her moms name instead of hers
like he said he was barking at you while cumming in your face
The chips are stabbing my teeth, and I can feel the muscle under my mouth contracting.
What drugs are we doing when you visit?
The correct answer is all the drugs because I just found out they have glow in the dark bubbles.
Came home from this girls horse at 6am to find a guy lighting off roman candles in front of my door. Best walk of fame I've ever had.
he would snap chat his dick as like Harry Potter
Thank you for dog sitting, there is $60 on my desk to be spent on DRUGS AND/OR GAS ONLY not that food stuff people crave.
We have been dating for 5 months. I'm friends with his sister. Yet my number in his phone is still saved as "hot bartender"
Birthday wine tasting got super shambly super quickly. I am covered in cuts/bruises/terrible life decisions.
Randomize
