I'm not sure what happened last night, but I have someone stored in my phone as 'Aftershock'
finally stumbled home. 4am. made it to the bathroom and threw up. the cat came in,s aw me, looked at the vom in disgust, and then threw up too. its nice to have such sympathetic pets.
the best thing about long term relationship is that the fact that i bothered to shave my legs today counts as a valentines gift
Well anything after a French guy would have been a disappointment. But I'm fairly certain he was just trying to masturbate into me.
ur not supposed to find someone to make out with when ur bf takes u to his SISTERS house to hang out with her and her husband
Ok cuz s'mores night just turned into pina colada after noon and it will be mas fun
she basically told me that her vine videos last longer that I do
Best case scenario: sex with hot bartender \nWorst case scenario: no sex and punched by tattooed guy that may or may not be said bartenders boyfriend.
I woke up in a toga after going to a Hawaiian party. I don't even know.
Rule #61 of being a lady: never get fingered by a finger with a knuckle tattoo
Things were going really well until his cousin showed up. She told him I look kind of like his mom, which started a ten-minute debate on my and his mother's specific features, and ultimately, who is prettier. Guess who my date picked.
Vacuum the place before you go out of town there are random glitter cocks everywhere
Sooo i'm debating posing nude for the drawing and painting classes, I just wanna see if they draw my nip ring.
Someone just needs to roll me into a blanket burrito and feed me drugs
My roommate just yelled at me for coughing. I'd like to yell at her for doing lines off our counter last night.
Randomize
