How is Miami?
Omk. I'm shitggaved om loincoln
Who were the five players on the alien team from space jam?
So I'm banging this nun...
Isn't that how all good stories start? I like it already...
the ice cream truck is coming omgomg
dude, it's 2 am.
but its COMING
its easy. just sleep with a bunch of guys until one falls in love
so basically i'm the" little sister", he's the "big brother" and we just fucked
So at this point...I'm sure you heard the story about Saturday night
Soo I have a handle of 100 proof captain, cupcakes, and nothing to get up for in the morning.. This blizzard is shaping up to be a great night.
If I squint, he looks like Jude Law. But that's kind of a weird face to make during sex.
This is the weirdest negotiation ever.
This is what happens when two people with zero shame try to argue.
Apparently while trying to get up from vomiting in the toilet I grabbed the seat cover for leverage and smashed my own head between it and the bowl. I don't remember this.
Hate you missed the after party, I was covered in dish soap gliding bare assed down a slip n slide at 6:30 this morning
While I appreciate the pity sex (seriously, THANK YOU) we should not do it 3feet away from my ex when he's passed out next time. Awkward.
Everything is covered in gelatin and pam cooking spray. Jesus be a shield.
THERE IS A DOG IN THE CLUB. I repeat a dog in the club. I might have laid down and petted it..I have no shame.
Randomize
