Nice meating you last night
Not a typo
WHAT IS WRONG WITH SOCIETY?!?!?!
... says the kid who took a shit in my parents dishwasher...
woke up with withdrawal cold sweats this morning. spring break must really be over.
Dude. He only had one testicle. It was like his whole package was a Muppet Show character coming at me.
you were mass sexting so we took your phone away
Judging by the amount of alcohol multiplied by the amount of her exes here, tonight will be ending in tears.
I gave up trying to understand them years ago. Now I'm just trying to fuck them.
I figure a girl that drinks as much as I do should always have pregnancy tests on hand
Guess who just rode home in a cop car?! Your Fav flamingo
Idk man, most things I eat are even better than I expected. Like when I drunkenly put mac and cheese on a slice of cheese pizza or when I soberly put mac and cheese into a Taco Bell burrito.
So, in keeping with the last two years, are we going to watch the new Hobbit movie on acid again? It's kinda starting to feel like a Christmas tradition.
Just cropdusted a little kid that wouldn't get out of my way in Kroger. Welcome to the real world bitch.
i'm sitting in bed scratching my boobs and wearing a sparkly fedora and have no one to blame but myself
I wanna stuff your vagina full of Reese's peanut butter hearts and eat you clean
Tonight I learned to never try to impress your ex by dancing on the stripper pole while drunk. That’s how you end up in the ER
Randomize
