I haven't had sex in so long I'll probably find some stranger, feel guilty, go w/o sex for several months and do it all over again...always something to look forward to
just woke up in the beanbag bin at walmart
I'm done trying to be a vegetarian. My vagina smells like hummus.
Just woke up. I have a "Detective Jacob Arnold's" business card in my pocket.
he has officially spend more money on me than any other boy. and its all gone to plan b. awesome.
I made a game called come to class high and eat nachos.
Last awkward moment of 2011: your ex gf grinding on me in front of her husband.
We don't know where he is but he left his pants and what appears to be a tooth here so he's gotta come back sometime
I just won 200$ from Bar Karaoke, for singing the "Sailor Moon" theme song, and then the Pokemon theme song, also known as the motherfucking ANTHEM OF POKEMON MASTERS LIKE ME. I HAD TO REPRESENT.
Seriously. Are we going out tonight? If we're not, I'm going to put on sweatpants and do drugs.
I found her outside drinking steak sauce out of the bottle.
That moment when you sit down to shit and someone is watching porn on the other side of the wall.
What is it about fresh air and wanting to talk about penises
I want a musical about memes.
The box said 94% effective prevention of pregnancy if used correctly but God knows I’m not gonna use it right so let’s adjust that to like a 70%
Randomize
