How old was that tiny chick? she needs a lard iv.
One minute shes telling me about her volunteer work then she whips out a 12 inch dildo
I AM SUCH A BETTER PERSON ON DRUGS
I know. My only sports are biking to buy drugs and running from the police.
I've got to stop giving the gift of vagina for every occasion. I'm exhausted.
Wow I didn't even consider the possibility of him having ED. I'm gaining so many life experiences from dating an older man
We were sitting in a hot tub debating how drunk we could get by osmosis if we kept spilling our drinks in it. This is what engineering college does to you.
The Blue Grotto manager called. He asked me for your name and number. Apparently, on reviewing the videotape he noticed you consumed a whole pizza by yourself. He indicated that he has a tshirt for you and wants to put your picture on his eating wall of fame. Apparently, you are the first such person to complete this incredible feat of eating. Congratulations to you!! I am so proud.
There was confetti in my vomit this morning... Happy New Year!!
I found out he put two potatoes in a jar because he wants to make his own vodka.
EMERGENCY FRIEND CRISIS: WE HAVE TOO MUCH WHISKEY. ABORT HANGING OUT WITH MELISSA, RECOMMEND TO HANG OUT WITH OUR WHISKEY INSTEAD
who is the naked dude on the coffee table
thats jeff, jeff is nice so don't be rude
This is not my bathroom and these are not my pants
If my plane goes down do me a favor. Break into my house and get the batman costume and swing out of my bedroom.
I just fuked with kevins application and made it say that he does conjugal visits for community service
hey some people donate their time while apparently kevin donates his body
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