Okay, I have a threesome with foreigners and suddenly I'm a man-whore
he just put it in my mouth and said "go"
I'm gonna play a drinking game called "Sarah takes the train"
my mom just found my flavored lube in the basement. she gave me a lecture about how "giving head is degrading" omg i feel sooooo bad for my dad
Thank you for holding my bra last night while i did a topless lap around the house
After the second day the hotel realized I wasn't responsible enough to have a comforter, so they took it for the rest of the trip.
Ever have those mornings where you just can't wait to puke in the shower?
Man, I thought my dick was gonna fall off.
Dude, I didn't even think they made slap bracelets anymore. You okay?
I think ur a lot drunker then u think u are. That girl has the body of a cartoon character and not in a good way.
You woke up, laughed, proceeded to throw up on me and then passed out again.
I am pretty sure they consider me one of the "bros". They compliment girl's racks to me and are the human forms of dick-be-gone. They won't sleep with me more than once cause it's "weird", or let any "untrustworthy boys" sleep with me and I still help them get laid. Not...fair...
Flacco has been sacked like 7 times. His name also auto corrects to Flaccid. That's so sad
Let's try finding a bar where there aren't people who want to hang me from a tree by my nutsack
I may have unintentionally punched your cat twice but he's an asshole anyway.
We need to stop calling him that. I definitely said “Fuck me harder Swizzle Dick“ while we were doing it and it got weird
He should appreciate that I recommend that corkscrew cock of his! I’m getting him laid
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