There was blood everywhere. She was pretty good looking person though.
She took the bride and groom figures and the top layer of their cake and tried to walk out of the reception with it in her purse.
I am the worst sexter. i actually told him .. if i had a penis, it would be hard right now. BTW thats a turn off.
Note to self... Do not stick your head in a can of paint and try to paint the walls green with your hair
Pounding your chest saying "me Tarzan" is not flirting or even talking
the new numbers in my phone would beg to differ
Sushi was just eaten off my naked body. I feel like I can die in peace now.
fyi, pepper spray hurts. whoever comes up with the best backstory wins a prize.
Operation terrify all men while simultaneously make them fall in love with me is going quite swimmingly so far
In other news: I massively over-caffeinated this morning. Everything is vibrating and I can SEE THROUGH TIME
I'd give anything to be driving a pirate ship wearing nothing but a coconut bra and a grass skirt eating a pizza and watching dolphins jump in the waves. Dreams ya gotta have dreams
christmas shopping: 3 hours in the liquor store...
I didn't have anyone to cheers so I tapped my beer on your fish tank... a little too hard
yes we're having sex but I'm texting you...so what does that tell you?
Left him blackout in the cab, gave 20$ to the cabbie and said drive until the meter said he wasn't getting a tip.
Bangkok has him now.
Just landed in Atlanta. Still drunk. I can't feel my face
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