I think condoms have that nasty latex smell to remind you in the morning of how gross you are.
Masturbating after my cheeseburger. It's unavoidable.
It was like doing yoga with his dick in me
do you think women who transgender themselves have the option of getting a circumcised or an uncircumcised dick?
just heard someone say they saw a guy puke while riding a bike across campus without stopping
Just heard Miley Cyrus' version of "Every Rose Has Its Thorn". Fuck everything. If you don't have an std you have no right to remake this song
He hit on a bridal shower w/ his hand on my tit the entire time. Gave his number to the mom.
Is it penis luge time yet?
I know it's like I wanna bring somebody fun who I haven't drunkenly expressed my feelings for. Or hooked up with. It's a struggle.
WHITE RUSSIAN BREAKFAST CEREAL.
So I woke and tried to get up. Then I realised my foot was stuck in the pocket of the pool table.
You took acid last night and I’m up early to go to the grand opening of a new TJMaxx by my house. We couldn’t be more perfect.
A cop may or may not have seen my bare ass against the moonlight within the past hour
Ik youre sleeping but fyi its 5:32am I'm sitting in the middle of the road bra less and shoeless with boxers in my hand and no ride. Shits real crazy.
Did you apologize to him for the trip to the strip club as a first date or is that something that just gets swept under the rug??
Randomize
