Just looked in the bathroom mirror before getting to this exam to see If I look as bad as I feel & the answer is no. I look amazing, even in yesterday's clothes
There's a 34yo winking at me. Why do i find this weird when my bf is a 38yo married man?
Things he has used as lube on me: olive oil, cologne, purell, spit, tanning oil, and bottled hotel lotion
He needs to save up for some actual ky before my vagina gets an allergic reaction
you grabbed his arm with one hand and the bottle of smirnoff with the other and headed off to your room you were on a mission
Turns out puking in your mask makes it even harder to see out of the mask..
I'll be listening to "I will always love you" and sobbing uncontrollably all night, care to join?
hungover waitressing a bar association event. im being judged by actual judges.
This is my transition from small talk texts to booty call texts. Coming over?
Quite the smooth talker. There in 5.
I just did a line of coke with an Olympic bronze medallist. I guess we know why he only got bronze.
Living a little to me does not involve choreographed Michael Jackson songs
Thought the acid was fake. Then my reflection didn't move when I did in the bathroom.
I brought those bastards cookies so they can deal with my sex noise, fuck them and their roommate asses
Good Morning! You are sterile right?
I just punched myself in the vagina to prove a point. Please pray for me.
i'm currently watching a guy eat a bunch of cacti and i have lost all faith in humanity
**cactuseses
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