when people say theyve been sober for however many years is that like couple beers not drunk sober, or no drinking sober?
this party is like a fast-foward into the future when im 40 and married with children
I need to keep friends like you around just in case hell grades on a curve.
She was about to go down when you guys iced me. Thanks bro
He couldn't say anything coherently but shot off a perfectly timed "that's what she said" when michelle said he'd have to ride in the trunk because she didn't have enough room up front.
Played "Which Couple Will Take Me Home Tonight" at the bar last night... I can now cross three-some off my bucket list
As soon as he lost the election, the reception's open bar became a cash bar. I have never been so disappointed in my countrymen.
Exactly. So you're exempt under the "I can't just fuck her to make it go away" clause of 2010.
Hey, please tell me that you and dad are having actual steaks tonight and I did not just get sexted by my dad
Oh fuck, I messaged a Jack Kerouac poem to a girl I'm trying to sleep with last night at 4am.
We just taught the Brazilian how to smoke out of a vuvuzela.
Did you drink ALL that 151??
No. We drank all the jaeger... Then used the 151 to start the fire. We're also out of paper towels... And your hairspray is flammable.
Grrr. Fine. You get oral for being unwrong.
I don't think Buddha would recommend a sexscpade across Mexico
She's like a cask of Amontillado. Very tempting if I was drunk, but sober, I know I'll get fucked over in the end.
Randomize
