I mean I found and stalk his moms facebook.. that obsessed.
his name is not nearly as fun as i thought to yell out in bed
Is it sad that I woke up to more "Happy Holidays" texts on 4/20 than I did on Christmas?
Hooking up with one of the deadbeat dads from Teen Mom does not qualify as banging a celebrity.
I look like a herd of wild horses chewed on my back. If you bite me again while taking me from behind, I'm going to have to cut you off.
Dude.. You paid a stripper $50 to listen to you cry last night.
Remember when I booked a hotel room for next sat? Nneither do I.
It's official, no more fat chicks or even close to that, my balls are 2 dimentional
Dude. Zebras have bad attitudes.
He says he invented a new sex move called The Redbird that we can only do when I'm on my period. Should I be concerned?
Drunk texting is the poetry of my life
I think I passed out drunk at my own jewelry party
Dude, seriously, fucking stop introducing me as "Thomas, with the dick piercing." you are the worst wingman ever.
you just don't appreciate it because you've never been arrested
He's on the porch naked. Help.
Randomize
