I just saw the nastiest chick.
Where?
woke up next to her... fuck you jack daniels, fuck you
Thanks for last night. Sorry if i was obnoxious. I respect your morals and i wouldn't want you to lose your virginity to a drunk girl in your mom's prius.
Just thought you should know, Im with josh now. Im no longer available for rent. I have a full time tenant now. Like, a year long lease at least.
If it meant we had chicks like that every weekend I would gay marry the shit out of you dude
Drinking Fireball means never having to say you're sorry. Unless its at you're arraignment.
You shall now refer to my vagina as patty and patty only
You don't know scared until you've just begun the first stage of an acid trip till a guy on stilts with a creepy mustache and beard says "enter the Forrest"
I couldn't think of the word "bath" so instead I told him I was marinating in soapy water
Ever since the Christmas fiasco of '08, I can no longer watch Rudolf the Red nosed reindeer without getting a hard on
I'm so jealous of your sex life. You know it's awesome when thinking about the sex you had last night brings you tears of joy.
He came all over her clothes we have to leave
It's 90 percent alcohol, and 10 percent a whisper that says "get drunk"
I'm just going to take a nap and hope I wake up more attractive.
Who in their right mind would frost a cake with their butt?
He’s disease free and drives a Porsche. What else does a girl need?
Randomize
