i chose cheese fries over sex for the third time this week.
hey this is lauren, i have to type for jon because he's convinced the tongs he's holding are his real hands
i hope you realize that ur overconfidence only gave me one orgasm out of all the times we had sex. that's like a 1% success rate. u might wanna rethink how amazing you are.
what do people who dont have blackberrys do while they poop?
yeah so i didn't even realize i was on meth until the next morning
Be here at 3:30. We'll find out how much beer can fit in a Mini Cooper.
I like my landing strip. Makes me feel sophisticated.
What you did last night can never be called sophisticated. I don't care how you trim your pubes.
Threesome in a minivan. New low
It's only Tuesday and I just measured and checked to see if my 6'5 Friday booty call will fit in the back of my jeep comfortably.
I should know better than to trust a man I've seen cry on multiple occasions to give me accurate sports information.
Dude, the coffee is horrible this morning, Cass changed something about it
We ran out of Bailey's Irish cream...
This is what regular coffee tastes like?!?! Fuck the adult life.
Last night turned out to be an expensive trip to your house between the ticket and the plan b. (Well I haven't gotten that yet)
Full body rubs, head scratches, foot rubs, massages, a penis that is able to get hard whenever you want it. I mean ive got a lot to offer
answer honestly do you think i can make a bloody mary with ketchup????
Wrong Cuomo but I had a dream last night in which I was very sexually attracted to Chris
Randomize
