I think you should know he took my pants (buttons and zippers included) and my thong off with his mouth alone. I found my husband
Oh and apparently TSA has to open your present from my family or the terrorists win
I just spent the past twenty minutes checking out a girl who turned out to be a mannequin. I need AA.
omfg. get on facebook. the science olympiad team had a rave.
surprisingly enough, it isn't that uncomfortable to have sex with a heart monitor on
I AM OVULATING LIKE A STEAM ENGINE.
we were sitting in the bathtub when she came in with her grandpas cane adn beat us until lindsay passed out
just did a beer bong in the shower while i was taking an actual shower its officially football time
He slow fucked me. Doggy style. On a porch. You never slow fuck doggy style. Its a law. A LAW.
I knew this night was headed for bad when I was drinking cherry bombs out of a sippy cup in the shower
The woman that sang I Touch Myself died today. There's only one appropriate way to honor her memory.
I'm on the job.
I found my limit. I will not, in fact, blow my 78 year old professor for an A in his class.
Guy pissing in the corner in downtown Boston as his girlfriend is covering him up, yelling "relationship goals"
I kept screaming at his rabbit: "IT'S OKAY, YOU CAN HAVE SOME TRIX. FUCK THOSE SELFISH BITCHES."
I snuck a teenager into a club last nite, I felt like such a criminal. It was Awsome
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