Smith looks like a guy that goes on a lot of first dates
I just saw a midget ride by on a scooter...wearing a bowtie and a helmet. My life is complete.
just passed out while on hold to see if i left my debit card at the bar last night.
Let's cut to the chase. What days are we sleeping together this week?
I'm tired of stuffing my fat into a slutty costume. Next year let's go as homeless girls. Cute ones. In leggings with camel toe.
Whoever decided to wrap my shins in duck tape owes me new leg hair.
just reminessing about the wedding and were they seriously to tight to serve a meal oorrrrrr was it just another one of my black-out-by-dinner drunks
the fact that you actualy have a 'black-out-by-dinner drunk' is a bit deserving..
Well girls crying gets you hard so you're not really a good standard to me
My goal for tonight is to swipe my debit card through those weird rolls on the back of a big bald guy's head.
Tuesday Boozeday turned into What-the-fuck-were-you-thinking Wednesday real fast.
She said she wouldn't get out of hand. When the cops showed up she jumped off the 4ft high porch and fell into a ditch. She then buried herself because she was wearing light pants and though the light from the cops flashlights would reflect off her pants. We couldn't find her for 40 minutes.
My tits became the mascot for the SAE house last night.
I think I just got buffalo sauce on my penis. Is that a turn on or off?
well we woke up in different beds than the ones we originally fell asleep in, you were butt naked, and your boyfriend was sleeping on a cot in the middle of the kitchen. that might be why he's mad.
I want to ride that like one of the Horsemen of the Apocalypse- with bourbon in hand and without mercy.
Randomize
