I'm sorry I'm just not ready to become vampire yet
It was like the Ritz Carlton of jails. I got introduced to our criminal system the right way.
Im so ripped right now that i just filled the almost empty bottle of choc syrup with milk and drank it straight out of the bottle. It was on pointttttt.
It has to be really easy to get midgets drunk.
he said i looked like a lion with slutty lingerie on .
Keep your head up. His game is good, and you should be honoured to be a notch on his wall. If it makes you feel better, if it wasn't you, it was going to be me.
How can I explain how nice he is to you? ...like, I'm going to have to have my world famous why being a douche is sexy talk.
I still think the kiddie pool full of jello option is worth exploring. Just sayin'.
He sent me a picture of his dick earlier so now we can all laugh at him tomorrow
See? I told you no boy in roller skates could be entirely straight.
Your mission, should you decide to accept it, is to pick up rum, beer, and cigarettes. Your holiday will self-destruct if you ignore this message.
I left my parents and ran through the airport. I was like I'm not getting stuck in Atlanta tonight and not having sex.
are you watching the world series?
I've made out with alex bregman... so yes
I have betrayed my no carb ways & I can feel it.
Embrace it. Come over to the dark side. I'll feed you muffins while stroking your hair.
Worst sex ever! He was a talker for sure! I was on top and out of no where he said "Oh you bad bitch?" I stopped and left.
Randomize
