my mouth tastes like poor choices
Penelope Cruz needs to learn American words.
Is my tampon string too long for this dress?
he only lasted 2 minutes. he said it was because i was so pretty. i'm not sure what to feel right now.
you broke into my aparment at three in the morning wearing long johns and offered me beer.
the 24 hour champagne diet aint going so well
I love you. Thanks for all the blowjobs.
It's that time of the week again where I begin to ponder life's great questions like, "What will my pathetic excuse for a future look like?" and "Why tacos?"
I dont know. Theres no way you can be ready for the sex hurricane that will consume you.
Do you know what your brother wants for his birthday?
Yeah he said he wants a decent blowjob for a change.
.......
I'm just looking out for you.
this lady just pulled corn on the cob out of her purse
People like that make this world a better place.
I do feel like I owe you an apology for trying to fuck your dad last night but in my defense everyone knows I shouldn't drink tequila.
I was going to say "wearing plaid doesn't make you gay, I wear plaid!" but then... heavy sigh
Ice cream and condoms, solid grocery store trip
right now I am washing the alcohol and shame off from last night
Randomize
