2:45a: Any chance you got 3000 bucks on you?
WIFE SWAP. FAMILY OF MIDGETS. LIFETIME. NOW.
i cleaned out my closet and found 7 beers from 2007. ive had 3 so far.
We watched 'the mighty ducks' last night and took shots every time someone quacked. I woke up this morning wearing a nothing but a hockey jersey laying next to him on the floor. He was wearing a goalie mask. I really wish I knew what happened.
How much would it be to rent out Gus Johnson so he can announce our flip cup games?
while we were having sex she stopped and said, "god is always watching". Then she started again with no other words said. We were fucked up.
please tell me i can get drunk off sparkling grape juice. even if you have to lie, please say yes.
you can hold your grudge or you can accept the alcoholic treats as a peace offering. your choice
peace be with you.
And I'm still awake, and you left me. Like the guy on Jurassic Park, that jumped out of the car expecting me to save myself while there is a man eating T-rex ready to tear my ass apart except theres a mathematician and paleontologist there to save me because they are bad asses.
Remember that mom/daughter stripper team? Well i just met the ex husband/father in AA. WOW!!!! WOW....
I just realized that you're going to be drunk for daylight savings time again. Godspeed.
But of course I'm in. After all, what fun would the holidays be without trying to find the perfect gift to impress someone you've never met, but need the approval of??
Maybe if I ever do become a counselor, I would just implement a kind of intensive meme therapy.
I seriously thought Satan had his hand up my asshole and was pulling out my soul. Never. Again.
your fucking longboard fell on me while we were having sex you fucking hipster
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