What are you drinking?
Shitty Coors light. OM NOM NOM TASTES LIKE HIGH SCHOOL
i hope thats the last time i ever see ryan's hairy ass fucking
It's like God knew that was my ex's best friend and punished me. I've never vomited that much in my life.
His glasses broke on the way to the bar aNd he ended up talking to this butterface all night. I didn't have the heart to tell him
Apple Jack is not a good idea for breakfast. Whiskey can't replace milk.
I'd like to say he was whispering sweet nothings into my ear all night but really he was just whispering "pussyyy"
I just watched nsync videos for the past half hour and you could totally tell lance bass was gay in all of them
After he convinced me that my friend had died and come back to life, I decided I was having sex with him that night, and that I should lay off the drugs for a while.
I never thought that it would get to the point where I would have to specify that by "hang out" I meant "fuck like rabbits." Growing up shouldn't be this way.
They are fixing my bike for free, trying to smoke me out, and their kids keep hugging me.
We fed him just...so many bright colored crayons when he was blacked out. I hope he looks at his shits because this could be all for nothing
Random thought: what if being devoured by animals was a death penalty option...and you got to choose the animal?
We tried to play tennis but after about 15 minutes we gave up and fucked against the fence. Woulda been a cute third date so of course I had to ruin it.
My body looks like ricotta cheese had a vacation
I woke up to a gigantic ft-long tootsie roll and a note by drunk me with the words "you're welcome"
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