You also had the stripper slap the shit out of me for not having any money....remember that?
in hindsight, $10 Malibu buckets were a terrible idea...
Please talk me out of ordering the stripper pole for a dollar. Please.
Where are you and why am I suddenly responsible for your taquitos?
You know were out to late when I call my hook up at 8:08pm and 8:08am in the same night.
Just because you put plan b in my Easter basket doesn't give you an excuse not to wear a condom.
I just used my glow stick from the dance to find my way in the bathroom to puke. Who wants me on their corporate team
I never thought that it would get to the point where I would have to specify that by "hang out" I meant "fuck like rabbits." Growing up shouldn't be this way.
I have a diplomatic trade for you. My pants for your rum. Tomorrow?
At least I got to make out with you a little before you proposed.
He was supposed to visit me tonight but he decided to stop in Tacoma so now I'm sitting on my bed naked eating oranges and candy corn while I watch Parks and Rec.
Now I have to hook up with him tomorrow DURING THE DAY.
He's writing a strongly worded email to Trojan right now
I TOLD YOU THE BARESKIN CONDOMS WEREN'T AS RELIABLE.
You're the reason why I want to be a better drunk
Always a gay best friend, never a bridesmaid
falling asleep on a hardwood floor changes a person
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