I just queefed in yoga class and now the old man next to me is smiling at me.
Just tried to fight the dj at cowboys because he would'nt play freebird. Pick me up now.
My RA just gave me tips on how to have discreet shower sex. Were we that loud?
random question: do you know anywhere in the tri-state that has elephant racing? this is a work related question.
Ever find yourself wondering if your life is God's way of telling a joke?
Theres a live mouse in the toilet. Goddamn you this is why I don't party here
Just sitting here contemplating the meaning of life.
So you're drunk waiting for the bus.
I'll just tell you, some how when we were having sex on Friday my collarbone got fractured.
I am praying to every god I can that he drank so much that he won't even remember me
I got wine drunk and bought a hedgehog.
Can we be gay Bert and Ernie for Halloween?
Well, I just puked in the shower in case anyone wants an update on how my day is going
Going to the pool bar doesn’t exactly count as “exploring”
Totally writing my paper on the toilet. Makes me miss you.
He’s only in town today and our afternoon sex sesh kept getting interrupted by the neighbor’s kid yelling and screaming in the pool
Randomize
