he promised me brunch in the morning so i felt like it was ok....i really need to get a job.
Classy? Dude, she fucked 3 guys as part of a scavenger hunt
And?
My vagina is scared and excited at the same time. It might not be able to sleep tonight.
I just found a video on my phone from last night of you yelling, "you can't fuck me!" at least 20 times
I walked in on you eating olive oil off of a plate. you gave me this look and I just started crying. we were that drunk.
come over after work tomorrow, liz and i will make all of your wildest dreams come true. so long as your wildest dreams involve drinking champagne at my house with two girls who won't have sex with you.
I was riding her and she yelled "fuck me" then someone in the room next door yelled "you don't have to say it if youre doing it."
It's okay, I found my phone in the toaster oven. Logical explanation: 5 martinis
You know Im horny if Im walking around in my lingerie and sex robe. It's my field of dreams mentality. If I wear it, he will come.
You'd be proud! I didn't lose my id this time... It got confiscated
Just tapped my penis on the head and said "this will be your year buddy."
I came in and I guess my parents didn't hear me. My dad just said "Don't be lazy, RIDE IT." to my mom. Never coming home again.
Okay, maybe filling water balloons with vodka was not our best idea.
Got so high i fell asleep kyaking...for 2 hours.
See I just want a dick that I don`t have to deal with or talk to unless it is inside me. Is that so much to ask for?
Randomize
