what if I'm pregnant?
smusmorshion
I just peed next to my dog in the yard. Unparalleled forms of bonding going on over here.
It's official, my little sister has hooked up with more girls than I have.
She was doing lines off of her friends boobs in the limo at 9 oclock on a thursday This has the potential to be the best weekend ever
He's throwing up in my bed and I'm not even getting fucked for this
We decided to cut you off after you insisted on eating peanuts by the dumpster
Cocaine Wednesdays have to stop turning into no work Thursday
Some guy in lab is humming along to a Sara Barrilles song. Or maybe I'm just hearing the song echoing in his huge, gaping vagina.
my mom found me passed out in the kitchen floor with the Brita pitcher.. Happy Mothers Day
I feel so much better about my break up knowing that he's having his 26th birthday at Rollar kingdom\n
My dream of watching a live dick sword fight might never be realized now. Currently sobbing, shots to follow
Sent him a snap chat of him eating me out so he can relive the moment.
he was like tryna hang and chat and I was like dude there's an iguana in this room
On the way to have sex with my ex's roommate... I have hit a new low
When I get off work and you're not around to hang out with all I do is lay around in my underwear and eat potatoes.
Randomize
