Apparently i just threw up in the bathroom, i told them i just blew my nose. i don't think they believe me...
No that's sign language, not a drinking game. I tried to join
there's a girl in the coffee shop just eating a pint of ben & jerry's
SMART GIRL
When I woke up everyone at the party was in their underwear. Only you guys were playing strip pong.
Yes, we all have the power to convince a large amount of people to take their clothes off
It wasn't good. I can tell by the way he fucks me he watched too much porn
I lost a whole day of my life. Apparemtly I was using my deodrant as a phone. And is my phone there?
Sometimes you just gotta fuck a has been local celebrity for your 15 minutes.
How is there no taco emoji?! That's some bullshit.
Omg that was my second thought of the morning.
First was that we had pop tarts.
I just wrote the Drag Queen from Saturday Night on FB and apologized for licking her. Weirdest thing I have ever typed...
this potential sugar daddy just sent me a photo of him butt naked in the woods saying he wants to "grow our spirits together." so i think i found us a new drug dealer!
I woke up with masking tape on my nipples this morning........... WHY DO BAD THINGS HAPPEN TO GOOD PEOPLE
I'm glad you still love me even when I change pants in the kitchen and demand you spoon me
The last thing I remember is trying to chug the rest of the everclear, running through a fence, and laying down in the snow. I hurt.
I mean, what's the polite way to say, "sorry but I can't date you cuz I'm sleeping with your boss" ??
Randomize
