dude i was like still drunk, taking pictures of her while she was naked and asleep and she woke up
haha what'd she say
i don't know man, something about us dating. but i never talked to her sober so i said i was making breakfast and snuck out of her house. close calls man WTF
Someone should tell Glenda that I only hang with her because she makes me look prettier.
Did your dad mention the fact that you asked him for viagra at 2 in the morning?
so I woke up without pants, but my cardigan was still on and fully buttoned. curious.
Should I mail that cop his nightstick or just throw it away?
It's almost like he dry humped the last remaining bit of good person out of me.
That girl next to you randomly said that she fits into a queen sized pillow case
WTF.
Mixed review. I fucked her in the river, but then we were assaulted by ducks.
I know it basically makes me the worst feminist ever, but I don't want to kill my own spiders. And I will pay my personal spider hit man with sammiches and unlimited , uninhibited access to my vagina.
It's a drunk scavenger hunt.
Everything on the list counts for double points if done naked.
i have my bailey's and coffee which lasts me until lunch, at which time its appropriate for me to bring a vodka and OJ mix for the afternoon. This university thing is grrreat
Look,the guy had sex w/a Canadian prison guard on the deck of a cruise ship,he could blow any second.
When you're all settled in, text me, and I can sorta apologize for saying that your phone can suck my dick. What I really meant to say is that your Windows phone can suck my Android phone's dick.
I woke up with the gnarliest cold/hangover combo
Thats what u get when u have butt ass naked rooftop sex at night in december
Worth it.
Apparently I bought a laptop last night, then gave the laptop to a friend who was going to give it to her friends' friend to put some cool shit on it. Anyway, I have no idea where my new laptop is now.
Randomize
