I literally just saw a campus policeman riding a Segway pull over a moving car. you should just give up.
he had to fake a sneeze attack to hide the fact he came in 15 seconds?!
so its atleast an 8 for creativity.
I think if I could use my boobs as a second pair of hands everything would be ok
Sometimes I stop and laugh and think "and these are my actual life choices".
Guess which frat house I just walked out of! And on a related note... guess who's uncircumsized
DUDE EDDIE MURPHY JUST DID A BODY SHOT OFF A HOOKER. IM NEVER COMING HOME
From now on I forbid you to refer to it as a "bed". From now on you must only use the phrase "sex wagon".
Definitely got a blow job in Charles Schwab's bed last night.
I love my job.
Now we're discussing the sex we had and the later lack thereof. It's like marriage counseling via snapchat.
Oohh. Then yes, he is the Alpha Fuckboy.
do you remember yelling out "insecurity makes my pussy dry!" unnecessarily loud at the bar?
Going overboard is basically 75% of my personality
I'm a gorgeous hot mess
Tomorrow night, I am putting you In my trunk. No excuses we have waited forever for this.
You almost got us killed.
YOU’RE WELCOME FOR NAVIGATING YOU TO A ONCE IN A LIFETIME EXPERIENCE.
its official, you're fucking me on my lunch break. the only thing I want in my mouth is your dick. pick me up at noon.
want fries with that?
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