I woke up face down on my laptop with three windows open: itunes, chat roulette and redtube
just had to make the 420 edibles gluten free and kosher for passover.
Just successfully went through airport security with shrooms. It's gonna be a fucking awesome new years
Throwing up in his bed is not a step up in your relationship
He always takes home straight guys. He plays One Night Stand on Ledgendary Mode
Faking my way through an entire party as a British exchange student. Wish me luck.
Hey ER girl, its the EMT you beat at blowjobs shots last night.
That is the scariest sentence I have ever read.
Realistically you can't tell me you're gonna put mashed potatoes on your dick and expect me not to get excited
If I had a penis, I'd want to put it in you. And I'd treat you with respect and pay for your drinks.
I had to reschedule my trainer meeting so now I'm just here eating hot pockets
Yep. The ghost of my sex life is in your house.
dude idk where I am. fuckin like. there wheat field and a horizon and shit. I think I got on a bus? some dude named Sam gave me a pamphlet about Jesus.
all I want for my birthday is booze and sex toys. don't bother calling if neither of those are included.
My dog just blew me a kiss. First of all I'm stoned and second of all he's a pitbull. Those aren't sexual dogs. So wtf.
When we were in Vegas he tried to get an Elvis impersonator to act dead on a toilet so he could take photos. This is even worse
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