yo i just woke up i feel so weird, and the absolut is still fill, so is the 30, what the fuck did we drink last night man? And will you please come out of the bathroom.
Bro... we didn't even hang out last night??
I think dad's getting high again. His last google search was "awesome ping pong shit."
All she gave me for breakfast was raw toast. How can she expect me to eat raw toast?
You mean bread?
can your parents tell?
i just had a cookie in one hand and a phone in the other and tried to eat my phone...they know
i feel like i was in a swimming pool of captain and coke and had to drink my way out
look up what dreaming that you're in a lesbian relationship with a manatee means.
Uh, do you remember who's thong is in my tree?
He asked if I wanted to "hang out"
A verb which here means "do lines off my dick"
while i am personally glad that we met...i feel like for society as a whole it was a bad thing
You could totally spank that new found Catholicism out of him.
You know it's time to call it a night when every guy in the bar (all 3 of them) have seen you naked at one time or another.
MY HISTORY TEACHER IS FUCKING MY MOTHER. I am downstairs and i can hear the squeak of the bedsprings please I swear to god pick me up THIS INSTANT.
Got kicked out of the club and woke up at a frat house. Good night? Couldn't tell you. I got a date out of it I'm glad someone thinks my drinking problem is cute.
I duct taped a bottle of vodka to the back of your closet while you were sleeping in case of emergencies. Go rip it off, it's going to be a long night.
she glued two packs of googly eyes on you while you were blacked out. We talked her out of using her hot glue gun.
ummmm thanks
Randomize
