ew. I made a sandwich, and the cheese reminded me of her vagina
I need to write the inventor of adderall a thank you note stapled to a copy of my degree
11am puke and rally. THIS is what I'm gonna miss about college.
There are Star Wars cutouts in his basement. Obi Wan Kenobe watched me give him a handjob.
please just be careful, i just switched my facebook status to "in a relationship", i would look really pathetic if i had to change it back to "single" already
i almost set my kitchen on fire last night. homecoming week is getting the best of me
We're in ER. He's high on morphine and I'm drunk. Gonna score some bed pans for jello shots.
You're not supposed to support this behaviour, btw the judge recognized me
If last night was a preview of 2015, I quit.
Kinda hard to look your partner in the face the day after a rousing game of How Many Ways Can I Capture Your Penis.
THE FASTEST WAY TO MY HEART IS THROUGH FAMILY SIZED BAGS OF GENERIC BRAND CHEESE BALLS
I helped you wax your vagina and you won't even get me Corn Nuts you fucking bitch?
Self reach around competition is what the Olympics has been missing all along. A true test of athleticism.
No. It's going to be "I'm mad that it took you so long to get over here" angry sex.
I swear 2020 just keeps getting worse and worse
Randomize
