Ppl just aren't as funny as we are
I bet a guy could be masturbating under the table now and people would just think he was clapping along.
I would have added her but her profile pic was piece of pie
It was one time. Now I have to constantly remind her my name is Jessica not Jizzica.
i've hooked up with him and three of his roommates and not a single one of them knows about it..think its safe to say i found the silver lining in a boys inability to communicate
I'm not sure if it was sex or spear fishing. He goes in for it like he's crash landing a rocket
I did not get laid last night bc my condoms were too small. I'm allowed to be dreary
Definitely got a blow job in Charles Schwab's bed last night.
I love my job.
do you think your dog feels awkward being in the background of your nudes?
Just cuz I'm recovering alcoholic does NOT make me the taxi for you every weekend
I just got through airport security with 5 grams of weed in my back pocket. Either I deserve a metal or the government is slacking
Hey bro are you still alive??? I'm sure you are wondering how you ended up laying on the floor at the foot of your bed and why there is a wheelchair by your door....
What part of I just want to watch porn, eat Taco Bell, and masturbate did you not understand?
I've decided it's okay if I take a pregnancy test every month. Then I can be like, "Good job, self, way to not procreate this month!"
Can we throw a "death to my 20s" party when I turn 30?
Sure. Funeral attire and hard liquor
Randomize
