i googled "where to have sex in disneyland." i found nothing.
If I'm going to go gay, i'm not going to go for a tiny dick.
He's drinking red wine in a margarita glass. He couldn't be more perfect for me.
God my Facebook chat is a graveyard of old blowjobz
Man I'll cab it I'll be sloshed by then. There's turtles involved
I still have way too many Frat houses to get blackout drunk at before I'm get in any type of relationship
The two girls sitting next to me are asking siri "Like, uh, how do you know my name?". Do I fuck with them or fuck them?
And now for everyone's least favorite sport... Drunk babysitting.
I just used my AAA membership to fix a strippers flat tire in return for a lapdance...does that make me a bad person?
the only joy I get out of her anymore is hitting on her friends and ignoring her. it's chaos for them. like shaking a slutty ant farm
This morning I woke up in the entrance of a retirement home. Memory fragments from last night: making it rain with the contents of my wallet over the bridge, getting hit by a car, and a lot of running.
looked up people from my old yearbooks. 3 ex boyfriends are gay. im getting drunk now.
We need to get me chipped asap
You know how it is. Tell me not to do somebody and suddenly I wanna.
My ultimate hope is that people will hug me, smell me, and therefore think I'm classy.
Randomize
