Where are you? I just made a vodka + cranberry & I’m going to drive there & throw it in your face
I was thinking about baking his mom "sorry you found out i was sleeping with your son" cupcakes
I mean, she is a dancer for the Suns. If I didnt fuck her that would just be bad team spirit.
I was about to watch some really classy porn. Title was ravenous for dick. I didnt know pornstars knew ravenous was a word.
There was a picture of him proposing on the night stand and their dog watched, but I can't help myself, his dick is just so perfect.
Earned the respect of a group of freshman by chugging Das Boot while hanging out a window and lost it shortly after by wrecking a clown bike into them.
Do you remember our dinosaur noises from last night ? Breaaaahhhhhppp
This is worse than naked and afraid. This is drunk and confused.
I've been rehabbing my soul with cheese and wine lately
I would drive 12 hours round trip for you to have an orgasm, cause that's friendship
He sends me the same inspirational quote quotos that my grandma does. I no longer want to tap that.
Haha. I found pics last week of me getting motorboated by a girl while i was taking a shot. Hahaha in my wedding dress. Classy
just found the "let's take a picture before we do these roommates" before picture
thank god there was never an after picture.
kind of bad when u call a cop an asshole for driving you home from the bar
I feel like he doesn't realize we're offering him a threeway with sisters and I don't understand how that's possible.
Maybe we should bring mom next time.
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